New life in Australia

It's been more than 5 years since I last made an entry here and I feel bad neglecting blogging. Life has been a mix of adventures and mishaps. After my trip to South Korea, I get to travel in Hongkong, Schenzhen, China, Thailand (twice), Singapore (thrice), Taiwan, Japan (twice), Indonesia, Malaysia, and Australia (twice). All these travels are with Mariz, my generous sister from another mother. She loves tagging me along as her travel buddy because I am street smart and a travel buff which was fun and convenient for her. 

I fell in love with moving to Australia for good back in 2019. COVID happened and life had taken a backseat up until June 21, 2022 when I finally flew to Australia to live with my sister, Jennifer, pursue a new life here.

I miss my boys. Since 2014, when my marriage fell through, my sons have been my rock, my life. I can never replace them ever but me decision of moving here in this beautiful but foreign country is also for them. I want them to be proud of me. I want them to have a good life too because I am capable to doing that as well not just because of their dad.

Moreover, I can never move on from my failed marriage if I stay in the country. I can never accept the life I lost, my life. Here I am, a blank page going through the tide and ebb on a daily basis. I lost my uncle Ariel back in May 2020. I know he will never approve of me leaving my sons behind but I know he watches down upon me. I don't if he is happy with me being here. 

I miss daddy doc Arturo who always treated me like his real daughter, mommy Elsa who always show love and care towards my sons. I also miss my parents, mama and papa. Mama even bought me a car back in July 2020 during the height of the pandemic just so I can have a good means of transporation when I was working at the Department of Health. 

Tope, I no longer miss him but he will always be a part of my life. I am grateful for all the love and care he is giving our sons, Evo and Tyler. It took me ages to move past our failed marriage. I remember giving up on life when it happened. 

I am here in Shellharbour, NSW typing this blog entry at the chemist work desktop which is wrong but I really need to vent this out. I am feeling under the weather anyway but still I went to work because I will be the person closing the pharmacy tonight. I am currently going through depression again. I lack purpose in life. I miss my kids. I am all alone. I live alone. The only thing that keeps me going is my faith that at the end of all of these, things will eventually get better. I take mood support pills and doxylamine succinate to get by lately. Our locum chemist, Nareman, is lovely. She says good things about me like how strong I am and that I am doing well fighting for life. I hope she is right. My pregnant sister, Jen also looks after me which is sweet.

What adds up to my sadness is the constant feeling of neglect; the fact that I am still all alone. What the hell is wrong with me? I have always been a good person with a good heart but still it is not enough in this cruel,sick world. I just want to give up on everything. Help me God.