Corregidor: Gibraltar of the East

Corregidor Island formerly known as Fort Mills is one of the 4 islets scattered across Manila Bay. Given its strategic location to spot enemy ships before passing through the country's capital, it was fortified by the USA during the Commonwealth era. Heavy duty guns, mortars, facilities, electricity powered tranvia, military barracks and headquarters were placed in the island amounting to $350,000,000 in investments. It was an island fortress pre World War 2. 

This island was the last military frontline and place in our country to surrender from the invading Japanese Imperial Army. The soil, rocks, and ruins once bear witness to both the Filipino and American soldiers' unfazed heroism to defend our country. Nostalgia overwhelmed me upon setting foot on this sacred grounds.

Corregidor Island is the third World War 2 Memorial I've visited; first one was in Plaza Cuartel, Puerto Princesa City followed by Kundasang War Memorial in Malaysia. Undoubtedly, Corregidor topped my list. From Gen. Douglas MacArthur's famous quote, "I shall return!" 😊

75 years after the war, Corregidor sleeps with her ghosts. Its rubble, abandoned guns, and dilapidated ruins lay muted from the horrors of war it once took part in. She stood her ground against the enemies that trampled our sacred shores. She lays in the stillness of the light at day, and darkness by dusk, waiting to be visited by those who have not forgotten her, and her sons.

Cycle

It's a cycle how one day we are close to separating for good then the next day we are back to doing our parental routines. We are civil, or I am civil when it comes to our kids. I am in charge of cooking their lunch and dinner plus personal hygiene, laundry and cleaning the kids' mess. On the other hand, he does the daily trip to the market to buy raw foods for me to cook and occasional grocery shopping for the kids' needs. They drive out at least twice daily to tour around the kids while I stay at the old house guarding the compound while busy with either cooking for doing the laundry. This makes me confused. I feel that I am needed because I am a perfect example of a diligent homemaker, except for rousing early in the morning to feed the kids or prepare breakfast since I have an early morning shift, but aside from that I am restless all throughout the day. I get to spend some alone time only when possible and when I do, I hit the gym or run at the oval across our house.

Below is my normal schedule every weekdays:

4:00-8:30AM - Cold Calling Shift/Homebased Job
8:30-9:00AM - Wash TP once he soiled his nappies, cleaning, folding clothes etc
9:00-9:15AM - Wash feeding bottles & Sterilize it
9:15-10:00AM - Brunch, Me Time to wash my face, brush my teeth clean my dishes
10:00-11;30AM - Prepare lunch (Cook, clean used pots, set the table for 6)
11:30-12:00NN- Sweep the floor/Fix living room
12:00-1:00PM - Lunch time
1:00-1:10PM - Brush Evo & Tyler's teeth
1:10-1:30PM - Put Tyler to sleep
1:30-1:45PM - Me Time. Shower time
1:45-3;30PM - Kids'/TP's Siesta time
3:30-4:00PM - Laundry: My clothes as well as TP's.Evo's and Tope
4:00-5:30PM - Prepare dinner (Cook, clean used pots, clean stove)
5:30-6:15PM - Me Time. Running/Jogging at oval if possible
6:15-6:20PM - Set the Table for dinner
6:20-7:30PM - Dinner time
7:30-8:00PM - Prepare kids for bedtime. Toothbrush. Also throwing out the garbage
8:00-8:30PM - Me Time. Shower. Toothbrush
8:30-10:30PM - TV, Movie, Net surfing, Putting TP to bed
10:30PM-3:50AM - Bed time

Most of the time, I feel more useful than the kids' nanny. She is focused on the kids which is okay with me. I don;t mind doing the dirty works as long as the kids are happy and safe with her. Plus, I feel that if I give her numerous tasks like if we make her cook food for us oftentimes, she might resign, ergo, I try to make her tasks limited and light as possible.

You see how useful I am? I suppose my vital task too is guarding the house. They feel safer leaving the compound when someone is left behind so I am always left behind, aside from other personal reasons. I don't leave the house except for 3 reasons: TVNet tapings which usually take only 40 minutes or I need to run errands or see my mom or sisters, hitting the gym for 2x/week workout, and lastly, running before dinner time at the high school athletic field across the house. I keep wondering what if I leave, who will do all these things to them for free? Daddy? He is supposed to rest only. If he does all these cooking and laundry for his son like he used to when my husband was younger, daddy will be exhausted. I don't mind doing these chores anyway since it keeps me busy. It keeps all the stressful thoughts away not to mention it makes me active and lose excess weight. I wish!

Hayaan mo akong mamuta... (A Womanizer's Poem)

Sa halimuyak mo ako'y wala ng gana..
Mga mata ko'y hindi na nahahalina
Ni ang haplusin ang makinis mo pigi,
O dampian ng halik ang iyong sabik na labi,

Hindi ko na magawa pa...

Lumipas na iyong ganda..
Buhat ng ika'y magbuhat ng bata
Bakit ba tayo'y nagpatali pa,
Sa simbaha'y nagpakasal at nanumpa..

Gayong ako'y makisig at batang-bata pa..

Sabi ng aking kaibigan sa esposo niyang seaman,
"Mahal, umuwi kang walang sakit, h'wag mo akong hahawahan."
Nakakainggit naman nais kong pamarisan
Sapagkat ang kabiyak ko ay lagi ako kung pigilan..

Tali lang ako sa batas, ang ibang babae saki'y walang ligtas..

Alak dito, puta doon; kembot pa dito at indayog
Namumukadkad ang mga hita, mga dibdib na anong kay lalambot..
Oh, magandang puta, itayo mo ang nanamlay na batuta ko
Lasapin ang pagsamyong papagod sa'yo...

Buhay ng aking asawa, sa'yo'y iaalay ko, pasayahin mo lang ako..

Lalaki ako at kagalang-galang sakin ang mamuta
Hindi ko kailangan ang permiso mo o pangungunsensya
Regalo ako ng Maykapal sa mga kababaihan,
Mapalad ka sa akin o misis magpakaylan man...


Iyak mo, Jo sakin ay walang epekto..
Nananawa na ako sa piling mo
Hayaan mo na lang na magpakasaya ako
Dahil pagdating ng umaga, sa'yo pa rin naman ang uwi ko...


(A synthesized poem depicting my husband's drinking and womanizing that drove me into a deep depression. Circa 2011-2012)

I don't nag. I write.

After losing all my respect to Fold, I realized that I may have another purpose in life aside from seeing to it that my children are in good shape....annoy him to death. It gives me solace seeing him furious, deteriorating, dying. He thinks he is suffering right now when it actually isn't enough to repay the damage he did to me. When I still love him, I held back on telling people what kind of hell I have been through with him. But not anymore. When I lost the last ounce of love I have had for fold, I also lost the need to protect him despite the fact that he remains the father of my children.

He left for Lucena City last Sunday so new room was empty. No fold. Then I felt sorry for my baby who was dripping wet with sweat. Summer heat was unforgiving that night so I texted my psychotic spouse that we need to transfer to the AC room. I packed and carried everything: milk, nappies, milk bottle, and TP. When we reached the room on the 2nd floor, it was locked. I made a serious effort to bring those things but he was so rude not to inform me that he had locked it. I went berserk. No more little nice girl. After getting back to the kids' playroom I sent him hate messages which obviously shook his core. I was crying while carelessly typing everything. It felt like I was shouting at the top of my lungs when I was actually just typing, blogging. I felt relieved afterwards. Though I did not nag, my provocative words sent the message loud and clear...I'm fed up of him.

I'm fed up of being used and abused. I'm fed up of being physically, emotionally, psychologically, mentally, financially, and socially tormented by him. It's been 10 long, agonizing years that I have put up with a douche bag named fold. I wasted my youth, career, love, life to an undeserving faggot who believes true love should be reciprocated by alcoholism, violence, womanizing, and abusive behavior. Disrespect it the road to ruin.

I am what you made me. This is the outcome of the years of emotional turmoil and psychological battery you caused me. My breathing will no longer be stifled, and this is my karmic relief. You deserve every karma that slaps you hard in the face, bitch. I loathe you, Fold with every air that I breathe.