Cycle

It's a cycle how one day we are close to separating for good then the next day we are back to doing our parental routines. We are civil, or I am civil when it comes to our kids. I am in charge of cooking their lunch and dinner plus personal hygiene, laundry and cleaning the kids' mess. On the other hand, he does the daily trip to the market to buy raw foods for me to cook and occasional grocery shopping for the kids' needs. They drive out at least twice daily to tour around the kids while I stay at the old house guarding the compound while busy with either cooking for doing the laundry. This makes me confused. I feel that I am needed because I am a perfect example of a diligent homemaker, except for rousing early in the morning to feed the kids or prepare breakfast since I have an early morning shift, but aside from that I am restless all throughout the day. I get to spend some alone time only when possible and when I do, I hit the gym or run at the oval across our house.

Below is my normal schedule every weekdays:

4:00-8:30AM - Cold Calling Shift/Homebased Job
8:30-9:00AM - Wash TP once he soiled his nappies, cleaning, folding clothes etc
9:00-9:15AM - Wash feeding bottles & Sterilize it
9:15-10:00AM - Brunch, Me Time to wash my face, brush my teeth clean my dishes
10:00-11;30AM - Prepare lunch (Cook, clean used pots, set the table for 6)
11:30-12:00NN- Sweep the floor/Fix living room
12:00-1:00PM - Lunch time
1:00-1:10PM - Brush Evo & Tyler's teeth
1:10-1:30PM - Put Tyler to sleep
1:30-1:45PM - Me Time. Shower time
1:45-3;30PM - Kids'/TP's Siesta time
3:30-4:00PM - Laundry: My clothes as well as TP's.Evo's and Tope
4:00-5:30PM - Prepare dinner (Cook, clean used pots, clean stove)
5:30-6:15PM - Me Time. Running/Jogging at oval if possible
6:15-6:20PM - Set the Table for dinner
6:20-7:30PM - Dinner time
7:30-8:00PM - Prepare kids for bedtime. Toothbrush. Also throwing out the garbage
8:00-8:30PM - Me Time. Shower. Toothbrush
8:30-10:30PM - TV, Movie, Net surfing, Putting TP to bed
10:30PM-3:50AM - Bed time

Most of the time, I feel more useful than the kids' nanny. She is focused on the kids which is okay with me. I don;t mind doing the dirty works as long as the kids are happy and safe with her. Plus, I feel that if I give her numerous tasks like if we make her cook food for us oftentimes, she might resign, ergo, I try to make her tasks limited and light as possible.

You see how useful I am? I suppose my vital task too is guarding the house. They feel safer leaving the compound when someone is left behind so I am always left behind, aside from other personal reasons. I don't leave the house except for 3 reasons: TVNet tapings which usually take only 40 minutes or I need to run errands or see my mom or sisters, hitting the gym for 2x/week workout, and lastly, running before dinner time at the high school athletic field across the house. I keep wondering what if I leave, who will do all these things to them for free? Daddy? He is supposed to rest only. If he does all these cooking and laundry for his son like he used to when my husband was younger, daddy will be exhausted. I don't mind doing these chores anyway since it keeps me busy. It keeps all the stressful thoughts away not to mention it makes me active and lose excess weight. I wish!