Amigo - From Philippine-American War

This is the only historical drama film that depicts the Philippine-American era which shaped our history at the turn of the 19th century. After Spain secede the Philippine Islands, the Filipinos were once again subjected to another foreign occupation by the Americans. The Filipinos initially thought the Americans would help deliver them from the 400 year abuse of the Spaniards. However, upon setting foot on the country, the Americans decided to stay colonizing the country again for another 40 years. Being likened to a bad ninong/godfather, it is a love-hate relationship that had started and transpired between the two countries as early as the outbreak of the Philippine-American war. Presumably, this relationship is still visible to date. Aside from showing Filipino resilience and patriotism, this film gives us an insight of how the Americans and Filipinos forged a relationship despite being at war with each other for a time.

Set in 1900, the citizens of the agricultural town of San Isidro in Luzon led by the cabeza del barrio, Rafael Dacanay (Joel Torre) enjoy a quiet afternoon performing their daily routines. Some farmers patiently till the soil while other women busily pound rice stalks; a normal job in barrios. Seen also is Rafael's wife, a devout Catholic taking time to confess her sins committed that day to the imprisoned Spanish friar when all of a sudden, an American regiment raided their town. Led by Colonel Hardacre (Academy Award winner, Chris Cooper) they searched for revolutionists wherein Rafael's son, Juaquinito and a fellow revolutionist (Bembol Roco) narrowly escaped death. In the town square, the subdued townsfolk were to coerced to tell who their cabeza del barrio is. By then, the freed Spanish friar, Fr. Hidalgo (Yul Vasquez) who is also fluent in English pointed to Rafael Dacanay as their cabeza and brother to the captain of local guerillas, Simon (Ronnie Lazaro). Rafael then introduced himself to Lt. Compton (Garret Dillahunt) as amigo, "Soy mun, Amigo." From then on he was called Amigo, the man in charge and accountable of all the affairs of San Isidro.

Garrisoned in San Isidro, Lt. Compton and his group of young men try to win the minds and hearts of its residents while serving the orders of their superior, Col. Hardacre. There were times when the Americans had put pressure on the Filipinos namely when they killed the buffaloes with the idea of preventing the people to transport goods to the revolutionists, when they set guard posts and perimeters that determine how far the people can only go, and lastly, when Lt. Compton particularly ordered Amigo, also a vast rice plantation owner, to plow the fields as well like the other farmers.

Despite the hostilities of war outside the town, the Americans and Filipinos developed a connection. The Americans promised protection for the people and had let them go about their normal lives. Under Lt. Compton's benevolent supervision, the barrio experienced an election of cabeza where the men unanimously voted for Rafael. The election was the townspeople's first taste of democracy which Lt. Compton referred to as the will of the people. In one scene, the young American soldiers talked about their appreciation of Filipina beauty and liquor. It is also hard not to notice Peterson's (Dane DeHaan) admiration and subtle wooing of a timid Filipina girl. Despite language barrier, the two expressed their genuine appreciation of each other's striking beauty with foreign banters and sign languages. Moreover, after a hard day's labor of both the Filipinos and Americans after building a hut for a quarantined old lady, Lt. Compton could not help but notice how the Filipinos still manage to smile which he mentioned as not such a bad thing.

The townspeople were even allowed to celebrate their annual barrio fiesta in honor of San Isidro, the patron saint of the laborers. Both group shared merrymaking, cockfighting or sabong, and dined altogether the food and alcoholic drinks that the Filipinos had prepared. Unbeknownst to everyone, the local guerrillas successfully launched an attack that same week on the supply train of the Americans in another station. An enraged Col. Hardacre roused the townspeople a day after the fiesta then reprimanded Lt. Compton for partying and befriending the natives. This incident pushed Lt. Compton and his men to shift their treatment of the Filipinos to enemies again. Amigo, being a brother to a revolutionist was therefore considered a spy, blamed of the aforementioned incident, and tortured to reveal the guerrillas' location.

In the movie, Rafael tries his best to lead his people under increasingly difficult circumstances. However, no matter what he does his fate is still appears to be leading him to his ultimate doom. Obeying the Americans branded Amigo as a traitor to the revolutionary cause, and almost got him assassinated by a fellow Filipino. On the other hands, spying for the guerrillas would instantly have him executed by the Americans. He struck the middle ground by focusing on his townspeople's needs during these perilous times. Unfortunately, it still did not save him.

After leading around in circles the American regiment en route to capture the revolutionists, the group was ambushed by the latter. "Damn, damn, damn the Filipinos!", the Americans merrily sing shortly before their ambush. With three American soldiers dead and Peterson becoming partly paralyzed from sustained gunshot on the hip, Amigo was incarcerated, and soon after sentenced to death.

In an unfortunate turn of events, what could have saved Amigo's life even to the last minute was sabotaged by his own son, Juaquinito. Juaquinito's saboteur by cutting the communication wire whilst Sta. Clara's American station was sending message of President Aguinaldo's surrender and amnesty for enemies to San Isidro ultimately ended his father's life.

Instead of letting Amigo suffer a painful death from hanging, Lt. Compton swiftly ended Rafael's life by shooting him point blank. The screams of Rafael's wife reverberated behind. Six months later after Amigo's death, his son Juaquinito and the remaining revolutionists surrendered themselves to the Americans and received 30 Mexican coins each in exchange for their Mauser rifles.

The squad shortly before their ambush singing, "Damn, damn, damn the Filipinos."

Fire feeds on hatred: Wolyn, a Polish film

My growing interest in history and war drama brought me to watching even foreign films. Last weekend I had the chance to come across this film. It has English subtitles so for the next 135 minutes, my eyes were glued to the screen. It contains graphic scenes and extreme violence as it tries to tell the historically accurate events that transpired in Poland decades ago. Moreover, this is the most disturbing and brutal film I have ever watched to date. If you do not have the stomach to endure slash films, this one is not for you.

After the 1939 Soviet and Nazi invasions, the people of Southeast Poland underwent a third and even more terrible ordeal when they were subjected to mass genocide by the Ukrainian Nationalists. Tens of thousands of Poles were tortured and murdered, not by foreign invaders, but by their fellow citizens-sometimes neighbors, relatives, and former friends, This film, the first to tell this tragic tale, vividly depicts the atrocities experienced by the Polish people costing them 100,000 brutal deaths. Ukrainians suffered as well with over 15,000 casualties from Polish retaliatory attacks.

The film revolves around Zosia, a young Polish girl whose simple life suddenly changed in the outbreak of World War 2 in 1939. Despite being in love with her childhood friend Pietro, a Ukrainian, she was forced to marry Maciej, a Polish widower twice her age. Zosia's parents believed it would be better for Zosia to marry a wealthy Polish than a Ukrainian. World War 2 erupted and brought themselves to fighting the Soviets in the eastern front. Zosia's now husband, Maciej fought for Poland but eventually lost. He was sent home along with his other comrades and witnessed firsthand the brutalities of the Ukrainians when the latter killed his companions. 

Back home, Zosia now pregnant with Pietro's child patiently tended to Maciej's farm and children. Despite Maciej's return, she rekindled her affair with Pietro. When orders to send Polish to forced labor camps in Siberia took effect, Maciej and his family were loaded in trains. Already feeling labor contractions, Zosia and Maciej's children were released from the train by the Soviet guards after Pietro bribed them with stolen vodkas. While giving birth inside Pietro's house as assisted by his mother, Pietro was shot to death by a Soviet soldier for stealing vodkas. 

Just when people think things will remain stable under the communist rule of the Soviets, the German Nazis invaded Poland after their launch of Operation Barbarossa in 1941. They were kind to both Polish and Ukrainian citizens but unforgiving of the Jewish population therein.  

1898. Los Ultimos de Filipinas Character and Plot Review

Spoiler alert! A Spanish film that reads 1898. The Last Men in the Philippines in English translation.

Needless it is to say, the film revolves around the last Spanish militia to surrender in the Philippine Islands. Historically speaking, Spain was the first colony to circumnavigate the world during the 15th century. These colonizers had brought themselves to a natural resources rich island in the far east and named it Philippines after King Philip I of Spain. What was supposed to be their search for Spice Island became a 400 year occupation of the island. With the fall of Baler in 1898, the Spanish era also marked its end with the surrender of its last colony.

In the pre-credits scene, the movie informed the viewers beforehand that most of the characters and plot were fictionalized. I wondered to what extent the movie would be fictionalized since I am a Filipina myself and quite knowledgeable in that aspect. Halfway into watching the film, I figured the similarities and differences myself. The film is actually amazing despite some plot deviation. They showed the plight of the Spaniards who dedicated themselves to defending the territory of Spain even though unbeknownst to them, their rulers already seceded the Philippine Islands . I believe the actors gave a tremendous performance of their respective characters. One might even develop crushes to the guapo soldiers in the garrison. However, I have few comments that I believe must be clarified to the viewers.

Barely a week before surrendering the country to the Americans in the Spanish-American war, the 50 men Spanish reinforcement headed by Capitan Enrique de las Morenas arrived on the beaches of Baler. Their goal was to reclaim the small town from the Filipino insurgents who just massacred the Spanish militia initially stationed there. The group was composed mostly of young, unskilled and naive men armed with ammunition and an unfazed loyalty to the king of Spain. Aboard the ship en route to Baler, people especially the ladies will already notice Carlos, a handsome young artist alongside his young enlisted friends Juan, Jose and Carvajal. The story will center mostly to Carlos and their 11 month ordeal inside the fortified church of Baler.

Even though the location was not shot in Baler, Aurora, Philippines, one could not tell the difference from Canary Islands with its lush rainforest, crystal clear waterfalls, and unforgiving waves that also made Baler a famous surfing destination to date. On the beach they were welcomed by Bro Carmelo, a Spanish serving in the local church. Upon arriving in their garrison, the soldiers led by Lt. Martin Cerezo met Lt. Jimeno, a scarred and embittered Spanish who survived the last massacre. He told them about what happened there and warned everyone to be prepared for the insurgents will come back again from the mountains. He also told them to be wary of Teresa, a beautiful yet daring Spanish-speaking Filipina whore whom Cerezo referred to as a spy feeding his revolutionist brother information about Spaniards. Teresa seductively welcomed the new Spaniard troops and treated them to a song cut short retorting she was only paid a dime to sing.

I have a lot of comment on this character. Clearly, the woman's portrayal of Filipinas was a far cry from what barrio lass Filipinas truly were during that time. She was an Indio whore and worse, whores were never accepted. Also, Indios were never taught how to speak or even plainly understand Spanish; only the privileged and rich meztizos or meztizas had the opportunity to learn Spanish. Whores also do not play major roles in wars yet this film was an exception. Truth be told, whores back then were too afraid to even come out in the public for fear that they will be stoned to death. However, Teresa in the film was too vulgar of her actions and choice of clothes. Even though the Filipina actress' acting is amazing and surreal, hers is really an erroneous interpretation of Filipinas in the film that could leave bad impression to the viewers.

The film was set at a time when women do not play any key role in politics or governance. With this, I was surprised when Teresa and her group gave crates of oranges to Lts. Cerezo and Jimeno. She even tried to negotiate their surrender albeit in subtle yet seductive way. Some points to consider here also is that number one, for a fact, oranges do not grow in the Philippines which is a humid country. Mangoes or avocados could have been the better choice. Second, women were rarely a given a big part in politics let alone convincing enemies to surrender. Although some women participated in wars, many opted to stay at home, tend to their children, and leave politics to their men.

Moreover in another lamentable scene, Teresa lured the Spaniards to surrender by serenading them with a romantic and provocative song wearing only the red KKK flag draped around her body thus exposing her bare breasts. I was embarrassed watching this. No sane Filipina, whore or not, would do humiliating actions just to make her enemies surrender. In fact, it was the Spaniards who instilled Christianity and conservative views to the Filipino natives and their people alike. They greatly influenced the Filipinos that a woman's virginity should be preserved for marriage, and even speaking the slightest mention of a lewd language was easily frowned upon. Lastly, the public sex scene of Teresa and an insurgent across the church for the Spaniards to see was extremely deplarable. It was too scandalous even for the revolutionists or natives to watch that not even war could exempt any couple from doing the deed in public. In reality, they could have been hanged or shot by the revolutionists themselves for performing coitus in public.

I understand that Teresa's provocative and sexual portrayal of Filipinas was meant to add burden and dilemma to the Spaniards in order for them to surrender. She represented the sexual fantasies they were missing and depriving themselves of. However, this historical inaccuracy could leave a wrong and lasting impression on Filipinas that we are nothing but a bunch of animals and whores.

However there is one thing that I really appreciated about Teresa.  It was when she happily and proudly embraced her inevitable demise even sharing a brief yet chilling eye to eye contact with Lt. Cerezo, her death dealer, before being shot. No words were heard. She did not bother running away but stood firmly on the ground making herself an easy target and waited for the gunshot to take her life away.

"You saved my life.", she told Lt. Cerezo one time. But it was also he who took it from her.

The other characters played their parts commendably. Capitan Moreno, a noble yet incompetent dog- loving leader is the only rational superior in the squad. He wanted to verify the news of Spain's surrender and ordered Carlos to venture on a 200km/150mile journey to Manila but not long before Moreno surrendered to beri beri. Had his successor, Lt. Cerezo let Carlos carry out this mission, more of the men could have gone home safely.

Conflict of authority is also visibly seen between Lt. Cerezo and Lt. Jimeno. The latter, filled with spite, always wanted the Spanish armada to launch an offensive fight against the Filipino insurgents, whereas the former believed and implemented for them to remain inside the church fortress thus giving them an upper hand. Based on history, the Spaniards actually launched offensive attacks on the villagers by burning their houses at night to clear their view of advancing insurgents. The two men's dedication to their cause can never be questioned. No amount of propaganda or truce would falter their loyalty to Spain or would move them to surrender. Not even at the cost of losing their lives.

Something noteworthy in the film also is the friendship that developed between Carlos and Bro Carmelo and Carlos with his fellow comrades, Juan, Carvajal and Jose. It gave the viewers an insightful view of how friendships are forged in times of war. Prior to the start of Baler siege, Bro Carmelo noticed Carlos' artistic skills thus commissioned him to paint murals on the church walls. This relieved Carlos of duties to participate in strenuous combat training. Bro Carmelo shared his secret to Carlos in order to survive. The limited opium they smoke every night gave the two new friends an unparalleled strength of suppressing both pain and hunger. Opium addiction enabled them remain strong enough to carry out their tasks. However, when Bro Carmelo suddenly died of beri beri, Carlos was left to fight his demons alone and slowly regained his sanity from opium addiction.

Carlos, a handsome yet naive, artistic yet humble soldier has comrades that were very much like him. They were all inexperienced in war and in life as some never even experienced sleeping with a woman. Juan is a God-fearing boy who believed his lucky crucifix would deliver him from death while Carvajal is gentle to women. Despite their gentle demeanor, war had not been forgiving to both of them. On the other hand, Juan left an impression to the audience when he deserted his comrades after his first taste of battle. He may be dubbed a coward yet he is practical and correct for choosing to life over brutal and inevitable death for a lost cause. "History will remember you as idiots." Juan shouted in tears while convincing his former comrades to surrender.

Mix these characters together one gets a better insight of how the real Spanish soldiers who secluded themselves in Baler worked together to survive. Watching their mechanics and daily routine will allow yourself to feel emphatic of them, admire them or even loathe some of them. Eleven months after defending their fortress and remaining territory against all odds, one will feel so much respect to these soldiers.

This movie was dedicated to the original 33 men who survived the siege of Baler.

Dunkirk + WW2 enthusiast millenial me

Ironic as it may seem, I keep finding solace and bewilderment whenever I watch World War II documentaries or war movies. How could someone find peace during the perilous times of war? I cannot explain my happiness every time I watch a certain documentary about World War II either in the European or Pacific theatre.

Last weekend, I watched Christopher Nolan's latest masterpiece "Dunkirk." It was an amazing film that literally took me to the edge of my seat. When the film ended, I wanted to read more about it. The movie Dunkirk portrays the miraculous evacuation of 400,000 British, French and Dutch soldiers from the port of the same title during World War II after the Allied forces were forced to retreat back to Britain upon France's surrender to Nazis. Out 400,000, around 330,000 were safely evacuated despite frequent air raids by the Luftwaffe day and night at seas. 

On some nights, I re-watch documentaries I've already seen before as long as its topic is all about World War II. Last night, I watched a documentary about the forgotten World War II Japanese tunnels of Batanes Island. It instantly added to my bucketlist of historical sights to visit. For the first time also I have seen the underground tunnels built by the Filipino-Americans under the bustling cities of Taguig and Makati pre war. I found out that there was an entrance just across Market Market and I am really excited to see that as well.

I don't know if there are still folks who are this obsessed with learning about war history. 

Father's day for a not so fatherly figure

Today marks Father's Day celebration for all the dependable dads out there excluding the dad of my sons. He could only earn the accolade if he would be brave enough to wash my son when they soiled their nappies or give them a bath when they smell pretty bad. Too shallow? You would understand if you would dig deeper.

To give a back story about my son's biological father, he ruined my hope that he will be a good father the day he mocked our first born son, Evo, for not looking like him a couple of weeks after Evo was born. Evo used to have a darker skin tone as compared to him, and honestly speaking Evo, closely resembles me during his first few days of life.

"Hindi ko anak 'yan! Kung anak ko yan bakit hindi ko kamukha?!" He angrily lashed out at my frail self while I was recuperating from my CS operation.

"Pasalamat ka binigyan ko yang anak mo ng apelyido." I cried myself to sleep when he left my mom's apartment. I had been inconsolable the day after that incident. To cut things short, I suffered from Post-partum depression because of him. There was no support, no affection or love seen from a father to his firstborn son seen from him during those first crucial weeks of our son's life. He would provide diapers, immunization expenses, and sometimes formula milk but he would never console Evo when he was colic nor change his soiled nappies after poo or pee.

"Nadidiri ako. Hindi ko trabaho 'yan, gawin mo." If he had no choice, he would just hold Evo's tiny feet as I clean him up or when his mother is around, he'd yell for help. "Mommy! Tulungan mo ako magpalit!"

Six months later after recuperating, I moved back with him in his parents' house. How I wanted to sleep beside our son but he didn't like the idea. He said Evo would be better sleeping beside his mother because she had her room air-conditioned or he cannot sleep beside our child because he might squish our baby from heavy sleeping after being alcohol wasted. Good job, dad! I had no choice but to give in to their wants. From then on, I was separated from my son. I never had the chance to decide for Evo, and I regret that to this day.

There were times when he would feel fatherly that he would take us out for grocery shopping, lunch or dinner with Evo. However, once his mother declines saying our son will get sick if he goes out more often, he simply obeys. After all, it was less of a hassle on his part since he will not tend to a crying baby.

Every night after dinner, instead of helping me put Evo to sleep, he goes out to drink with his different sets of friends: DSWD co-workers, college gang, Rotarians, the list goes on. Sometimes, he takes with them but oftentimes, he wanted it to be an all boys affair. Counting the minutes he spends with Evo on a daily basis back then, it is limited to only 3 hours in total. I was not perfect either but during those crucial moments in my son's life, I was always there for him. I never made him feel unwanted. It was only when his mother took him away from me that I feel defeated. Even though they did not say it, in reality she had competed with me on motherhood; feeling all the more entitled and knowledgeable in taking care of our son to which I surrendered. Feeling hurt every time I see my son not recognizing me nor my scent anymore, I slowly departed and drifted away.

Then came our second son, Tyler. He never wanted Tyler when we found out I was carrying our second child. I became pregnant with Tyler during our most tumultuous time together; when our lovemaking had been from sporadic or nothing to more of a daily basis to cure our depression.

"Ipalaglag mo 'yan! Hindi ko anak 'yan!" He angrily said one night while we were on our way home. I cried hard feeling sorry for being knocked up again. But I wanted this, I wanted Evo to have a brother he can depend on as he walks through life. I endured my first and second trimester of pregnancy being emotionally, physically, and psychologically beaten and tortured by my sons' own father. I cannot leave. I won't leave then because I love him. I can't leave because I cannot leave my son, Evo even though he loves his grandmother more than he has ever loved me.

I will never forget one night he went into my room, deranged. He kicked my thighs which accidentally or intentionally hit my growing belly. He was a monster. I had a feeling back then that he wanted me to suffer miscarriage so the baby and I would die. He bent my knees upward then pressed it against my tummy while my back is lying on the bed. I was overpowered, weak and defenseless from the punches and blows I already had from him. He only stopped when I yelled in pain that my belly hurts. I saw a demon that night, and it was my sons' father. I can take all the physical pain directed at my other body parts but never will I forgive him for threatening our son's life growing inside my womb. I will never forget that including the time he said he will kill Evo if his mother will not learn to love him upon giving birth.

Today, I have seen him change. He has learned to love both Evo and Tyler at the expense of loathing me. I don't care. He feeds them which is his only task for the kids aside from taking them to the mall or other travels. He takes the boys daily on a trip to the public market leaving me at home to tend to other home chores such as cooking their meal. I find it amusing how he has learned to embrace fatherhood albeit not wholeheartedly. He yells at Evo when he's being stubborn and ignores TP when the latter cries profusely. He still thinks of himself at all times but at least he did change from being the monstrous kind of biological father he once was to being a sympathetic one. While he is winning our sons' love, sadly though is that he is also using my kids against me. I often hear him teaching Evo to hate me or exclude me as part of our son's family; that I am just his yaya not his mom. I am his mother for goodness' sake!

You can try winning their hearts and turning me into a monster in their eyes but if our kids will know the truth about you and your family excluding daddy, I don't think our boys will ever respect you. You will never be a good example to our sons. Enjoy your days with them while it lasts.

Corregidor: Gibraltar of the East

Corregidor Island formerly known as Fort Mills is one of the 4 islets scattered across Manila Bay. Given its strategic location to spot enemy ships before passing through the country's capital, it was fortified by the USA during the Commonwealth era. Heavy duty guns, mortars, facilities, electricity powered tranvia, military barracks and headquarters were placed in the island amounting to $350,000,000 in investments. It was an island fortress pre World War 2. 

This island was the last military frontline and place in our country to surrender from the invading Japanese Imperial Army. The soil, rocks, and ruins once bear witness to both the Filipino and American soldiers' unfazed heroism to defend our country. Nostalgia overwhelmed me upon setting foot on this sacred grounds.

Corregidor Island is the third World War 2 Memorial I've visited; first one was in Plaza Cuartel, Puerto Princesa City followed by Kundasang War Memorial in Malaysia. Undoubtedly, Corregidor topped my list. From Gen. Douglas MacArthur's famous quote, "I shall return!" 😊

75 years after the war, Corregidor sleeps with her ghosts. Its rubble, abandoned guns, and dilapidated ruins lay muted from the horrors of war it once took part in. She stood her ground against the enemies that trampled our sacred shores. She lays in the stillness of the light at day, and darkness by dusk, waiting to be visited by those who have not forgotten her, and her sons.

Cycle

It's a cycle how one day we are close to separating for good then the next day we are back to doing our parental routines. We are civil, or I am civil when it comes to our kids. I am in charge of cooking their lunch and dinner plus personal hygiene, laundry and cleaning the kids' mess. On the other hand, he does the daily trip to the market to buy raw foods for me to cook and occasional grocery shopping for the kids' needs. They drive out at least twice daily to tour around the kids while I stay at the old house guarding the compound while busy with either cooking for doing the laundry. This makes me confused. I feel that I am needed because I am a perfect example of a diligent homemaker, except for rousing early in the morning to feed the kids or prepare breakfast since I have an early morning shift, but aside from that I am restless all throughout the day. I get to spend some alone time only when possible and when I do, I hit the gym or run at the oval across our house.

Below is my normal schedule every weekdays:

4:00-8:30AM - Cold Calling Shift/Homebased Job
8:30-9:00AM - Wash TP once he soiled his nappies, cleaning, folding clothes etc
9:00-9:15AM - Wash feeding bottles & Sterilize it
9:15-10:00AM - Brunch, Me Time to wash my face, brush my teeth clean my dishes
10:00-11;30AM - Prepare lunch (Cook, clean used pots, set the table for 6)
11:30-12:00NN- Sweep the floor/Fix living room
12:00-1:00PM - Lunch time
1:00-1:10PM - Brush Evo & Tyler's teeth
1:10-1:30PM - Put Tyler to sleep
1:30-1:45PM - Me Time. Shower time
1:45-3;30PM - Kids'/TP's Siesta time
3:30-4:00PM - Laundry: My clothes as well as TP's.Evo's and Tope
4:00-5:30PM - Prepare dinner (Cook, clean used pots, clean stove)
5:30-6:15PM - Me Time. Running/Jogging at oval if possible
6:15-6:20PM - Set the Table for dinner
6:20-7:30PM - Dinner time
7:30-8:00PM - Prepare kids for bedtime. Toothbrush. Also throwing out the garbage
8:00-8:30PM - Me Time. Shower. Toothbrush
8:30-10:30PM - TV, Movie, Net surfing, Putting TP to bed
10:30PM-3:50AM - Bed time

Most of the time, I feel more useful than the kids' nanny. She is focused on the kids which is okay with me. I don;t mind doing the dirty works as long as the kids are happy and safe with her. Plus, I feel that if I give her numerous tasks like if we make her cook food for us oftentimes, she might resign, ergo, I try to make her tasks limited and light as possible.

You see how useful I am? I suppose my vital task too is guarding the house. They feel safer leaving the compound when someone is left behind so I am always left behind, aside from other personal reasons. I don't leave the house except for 3 reasons: TVNet tapings which usually take only 40 minutes or I need to run errands or see my mom or sisters, hitting the gym for 2x/week workout, and lastly, running before dinner time at the high school athletic field across the house. I keep wondering what if I leave, who will do all these things to them for free? Daddy? He is supposed to rest only. If he does all these cooking and laundry for his son like he used to when my husband was younger, daddy will be exhausted. I don't mind doing these chores anyway since it keeps me busy. It keeps all the stressful thoughts away not to mention it makes me active and lose excess weight. I wish!