2017 is just love

2017 taught me so many things. I will always be grateful for all the wonderful things that came my way this year. The sad moments were also eye-openers for me. The good things made me happy while the terrible ones made me strong. To round up my top 10 most unforgettable moments this year I would like to start with the best one.

1) I won a viewer promo thanks to my short essay which got me a free trip to Korea. The trip to Korea takes the cake.
2) My interview with Marie Lozano of TV Patrol got me featured in the country's leading news program. (Not much of a fame whore here.)
3) Rekindled friendship with my editor friends and some law school buddies. With Gazette, we went wake boarding last July.
4) Evo graduated third honors in his class of 90 student. No one else but me believed that he can.
5) I gained more friends most especially the hardworking millenials and inspiring ladies from Jeepney TV.
6) Finally ticked off my local bucketlist Mayon Volcano and Corregidor Island with my sister, Jessy.
7) Made friends with a beautiful stranger who turns out to be a French backpacker. He inspired me to travel more often.
8) Sarah's bachelorette's party in Manila with me, Lovely and Robi.
9) The day I realized that my heart is finally free of love and hatred for him. I have finally moved on. Alone but independent and happy.
10) That despite living in celibacy, even drunkenness cannot make me vulnerable to Korean oppas or sharks.

Obviously, a lot of the things that made me really happy this year are my travels. Traveling is not a bad thing especially when you draw inner peace from it. I am happy everyday with my kids. They always teach me how to be a loving, patient mom, and that traveling every once in a while enables me to come home recharged and rejuvenated to take care of them more.

Clock keeps ticking

Before I flew in Korea, a friend revealed to me my husband's plans last October. It shook me to the core. I was devastated for a while until my friend's bachelorette's sparty in Manila washed my worries away. Our common friend told me that my husband is just waiting for the right time. In fact, he already consulted some family lawyers in Manila.

Even though, I have been prepared for it hearing that for the first time from another person still stung. I have not readied myself to be interrogated. I was not prepared to answer questions about what led to my husband arriving on that resolve.

I tried to explain.
I faltered.
I cried.

My firstborn will turn 7 in the next 10 months. If his father sticks to his plans, I will be out of the house once he makes up his mind. I do not know what is more painful to bear, the fact that despite our desperate attempt to treat each other civilly, absent love, we could still no longer salvage our marriage, or the tearing apart of my kids' family at such their tender age.

I have changed since hearing that. I tried to somewhat detach myself. I do not wish my kids to suffer so I am giving them the better option. And that option is for them to pick the better parent between their broke mom and their erratic but financially-stable father.

Clock ticks away.

Who will they choose? Who will Evo choose?

Their answer, it will be obvious.

Tonight, this Christmas, I made up my mind

My trip is Korea last November has been an eye opener for me. The experience showed me once again all the opportunities I passed up during my younger teen years. Last Wednesday, I had a one on one interview with Marie Lozano of ABSCBN for TV Patrol. I was dumbfounded when I saw her. I love her glamorous life and job; a celebrity reporter who interviews Hollywood A-listers every now and then. My new friends at Jeepney TV also inspired me to work in their office or simply just get back to having a full-time work. If only the daily commute to work in Metro Manila is not as stressful as breaking up with your husband  quite easy, I would have taken my chances and apply for any job with them right there and then. I would if I could, but something would always hold me back. Whenever I dream of my inevitable success at working in the corporate or mass media world something would always wake me up or pull me back to reality. My success is where my heart should be, and my heart says it should be where my kids are.

I have had my a taste of freedom during my short stay in Manila. I partied in the spirit of Christmas, hung-out with friends and even a shark who pretends to be my friend, enjoyed a me-time filled with spa, scrumptious brunch and dinner buffet, and lastly, ran errands for the father of my boys. I should feel thankful already. Those once in a while adventures should be enough, and I must not push further at getting freedom at the expense of losing my kids.

The issue at hand is that I am not earning much and has no clear career path compared to some peers my age. I feel bummed just thinking about how financially dependent I am when I should not be because I still have a chance. Tonight, after enjoying a good dinner out with my sister who just arrived from Davao City, Tepzie, my contemporary who now successful in the mass media and fashion styling industry asked me that if ever I need a job he could work things out for me in his studio. I am thankful and also overwhelmed. If I would take that chance, I will definitely earn more, enjoy my life more like a true millenial, but I will not see my kids as often or even at all. There is no in between. I cannot negotiate to see my kids every weekend once I decide to work in Manila during weekdays. It would be either I take them with me, which would be too difficult for us all, or I leave them for good with their dad is which is even though, tough for me, is something I might be able to tolerate for their own sake. Still, the point is, I can no longer see them once I pick the latter. Will I be able to live like that?

A friend told me that the fact that I still return to them every time I leave is because maybe that is where my heart truly is. My friend may be correct on that premise because I have been asking myself that question for almost 4 years now, and the answer always led me back to my family, to my kids.

My boys, Evo and TP are my life. I may not be much of a devoted mother but this I know, with the clock ticking and our time of being together as a complete, picture-perfect family fades into the abyss, I have not and could not abandon them for my own happiness or for my career. No more law school plans or working abroad or in the corporate world for now until my boys have grown up. So tonight, this Christmas, I made up my mind. I will stay and fulfill a purpose that was given to me the moment I gave birth to my precious sons; that I will be their mother and I will raise them right.

Seoul searching: My holiday in Korea

I have been blessed to have won an all expense paid trip to Korea with a companion which was awarded to me a month before my birthday. It surely made my birthday more awesome. I joined a viewer promo contest which had the highest turnout in the ABSCBN network's viewer promos' history. My short essay entry was chosen among the 520 entries which is in fact a good feat that I was really proud of.

My sis failed to obtain a Korean visa while I did secure mine. Sad. Therefore, I gave her slot to my best friend, Robi, who likely has a stronger chance to secure one, and she did.

Prost and Itaewon love

I just love this place. Prost at Itaewon; they both just feel like home. For party people looking for a posh yet good place to chill out in Seoul, I highly recommend Prost Grill and Pub. This place offers good crowd, a variety of booze, upbeat music, good vibes, and loads of good-looking oppas and unis; Koreans and westerners alike.

During my short but sweet 5-day holiday in Seoul last week, Prost instantly became my favorite pub wherein me and my tour group friends spent 3 nights straight just chilling out there. The autumn just ended and the bitter cold prompted my friends and I to go drinking almost every night after our strenuous day tours, and Prost always ended our day with a bang. Even after downing a couple more shots and beers, just like the lively Itaewon district, we found ourselves still very much alive, kicking and partying at Prost.

While the other bars and pubs look quite deserted on weeknights, Prost is beaming with cheerful crowds capping their nights. From the richest to middle class party-goers like us wanting to enjoy the night partying and drinking, Prost is there to welcome everyone. Worried because you can't dance? No problem. The folks dancing on the dance floor obviously lack the moves but who cares, no one mocked anyone anyway.

On our first night, we came down to Prost from Glam Lounge, a fancy, high-end lounge just a floor above Prost. After a couple of frozen margaritas, I started to feel like dancing so I headed to the dance floor. While hooked on instagram and dancing, a young Korean guy approached me and asked if he can buy me a drink. I declined but because he has limited English vocabulary he did not understand and ended up buying me a drink anyway. It was a struggle communicating with him. We had to use our phones and google translators. Haha. The only thing I understood was when he thought I am only 22, and with his finger he showed me the 22 sign. On our second night, he was there again but I was not really in the mood to waste my time on my phone to use a google translator just to talk to him when I am already enjoying myself drinking, chatting with my friends and watching the crowd.

The Korean oppas are generally very polite and generous. I felt safe while inside Prost even though I had my fair share of unexpected proposals from some of these sought after Korean hotties. On our third night, while walking back to my friends' table after a quick trip to the restroom or smoking area, two affluent-looking, educated and disturbingly handsome Korean oppas on separate occasions suddenly threw their hands around my waist or shoulders saying, "Where are you from, baby?" or "You look really pretty. I like your face. Come dance with me." However, my friends and I were about to leave already so I declined twice. I just blew away my chance. Haha! Just kidding. With my arms crossed shielding my small boobs, I told them I'm sorry my friends and I were leaving. They instantly backed off, were both very apologetic, and even cleared the way for me. Seems like I am quite a Korean oppa magnet yet zero appeal to my bet, the westerners. Haha! Hard truth.

The Korean men and women partying at Prost are aesthetically pleasing. No. That is an understatement! They honestly look like perfect and flawless models yet I could not help but imagine that they all went through drastic under the knife procedures just to achieve that perfection. The idea puts me off but I do not discriminate those who undergo plastic surgeries. If plastic surgery is no big deal for you, then just grab the invitation and dance with these gorgeous Korean oppas.

A major downside for me is that, the drinks are really pricey. It costs almost P500 or $10 for a bottle of Corona beer. With the unforgiving cold, believe me, your alcohol tolerance will certainly rise an all time high you will need to drink a dozen before you even get drunk. But then again, it pays to have an awesome partying experience at Itaewon, the party capital of Seoul.

Sex tour shit

I am dismayed that Philippines has become a sex tour capital for these foreigners looking for a different kind of vacation. I am so fucking disappointed that the local Filipino ladies were the ones pimping themselves at the sight of white men simply enjoying a good meal or drink. Damn these  dark-skinned, exotic-looking (like a lizard-looking exotic kind of way) creepy, tourist guide whores! You make my country less respectable. I hope these foreigners break your heart into pieces because there is no way that those young and carefree Yankies will take you to their countries!

Okay, enough with this shit. I am just a little bitter. Teehee! So my friend who considered me as his smart ass virtual guide for the past almost 3 weeks suddenly went ghost on me. The reason? My above stated rant was the reason. I made myself clear that I am a friend. However, no sane person would be happy being suddenly dismissed just because they found a better one. That is just rude and so not cool. Oh well, that's life. Just like the seasons, people change. I just wish those whores suck your travel money real dry because that's what they only want from you after all. Maybe these whores also want to have an AFAM boyfriend or be sired with interracial future cash cow kid.

My takeaway from this experience? Do not help some random helpless beautiful stranger no matter how adorably blue or captivating their eyes are. If unavoidable, do not invest any kind of emotion: no pity, delight, care, enthusiasm. Nada. At the end of their journey, they will still forget you like you never really existed. 

Old friends, true friends

Spent my Halloween eve last night with a night out with my college editor friends. It was a blast! I don't get to hang out with them often. I consider myself lucky if three times a year we get to hang out since they are all based in Manila. They come home in the province only during long holidays.

My good friends include Leif and kuya Tophe, missing last night were kuya Mhon, Allen and Mich. We were all former editor in our college paper The DWCC Gazette so we sort of share the same wavelength and passion for writing, political opinions, traveling and simply everything. Last night we did not chat a lot but drowned ourselves until the wee hours of the morning by playing cards and board games. Yes! Very much tita/tito like kind of night. Leif brough home his precious card games i.e. Cards Against HUmanity, Never Have I Ever, Jenga and I forgot the name of the other one. It was fun playing these games with them because we reveal more of our ourselves without the fear of being judged or gossiped about since we are very close to each other.

A night of laughter, coffee, chocolates, a little booze and lot of games completed our wholesome Halloween reunion despite the unforgiving monsoon rain. At times, I try to consult them with my life decisions since they have known me since I was only 16. It feels great to have friends who you now would never judge you despite the fact that they know you failed in life numerous times. They still motivate me to strive for a better career and always look at the bright side of life.

I just feel blessed because aside from my constant girls since high school: Robi, Sarah and Lovely, I still have few mature, wise and good friends who will always cheer me up and have my back no matter what.