Ephemeral Solace

Mama read this quote to me last October, and since then it never failed to inspire or give me hope amid this difficulty I am facing."Always lean on God because when things go wrong He will either teach you how to fly or catch you when you fall." Prayers do work especially when you put your heart and soul into it. Praying gives me peace, serenity, and hope that everything will be alright in God's time. I can always find rest in YOU. I keep telling myself that. Everyday I thank God for giving me hopes of new beginnings, a chance to live, and a renewed spirit. I know there will always be tough times but I must hold myself together for my family especially Bi and Evo. Also, don't let the society rule your life. Whenever I will feel bothered by them I will just think of this quote, "You are just a speck in this universe. What you do or don't do won't matter in the grand scheme of things." We all are, aren't we? What I just want to do now is pray hard, love my family, and live and die for them. I will always love you Evo and Bi.

Is she a narcissist?

Pathological narcissism occurs in a spectrum of severity. In its more extreme forms, it is narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). NPD is considered to result from a person's belief that they are flawed in a way that makes them fundamentally unacceptable to others. This belief is held below the person's conscious awareness; such a person would, if questioned, typically deny thinking such a thing. To protect themselves against the intolerably painful rejection and isolation that (they imagine) would follow if others recognized their (perceived) defective nature, such people make strong attempts to control others’ views of them and behavior towards them.

Pathological narcissism can develop from an impairment in the quality of the person's relationship with their primary caregivers, usually their parents, in that the parents could not form a healthy and empathic attachment to them. This results in the child's perception of himself/herself as unimportant and unconnected to others. The child typically comes to believe they have some personality defect that makes them unvalued and unwanted. To the extent that people are pathologically narcissistic, they can be controlling, blaming, self-absorbed, intolerant of others’ views, unaware of others' needs and of the effects of their behavior on others, and insistent that others see them as they wish to be seen. Narcissistic individuals use various strategies to protect the self at the expense of others. They tend to devalue, derogate and blame others, and they respond to threatening feedback with anger and hostility.

People who are narcissistic commonly feel rejected, humiliated and threatened when criticised. To protect themselves from these dangers, they often react with disdain, rage, and/or defiance to any slight criticism, real or imagined. To avoid such situations, some narcissistic people withdraw socially and may feign modesty or humility. In cases where the narcissistic personality-disordered individual feels a lack of admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation, they may also manifest a desire to be feared and be notorious (narcissistic supply).

Although individuals with NPD are often ambitious and capable, the inability to tolerate setbacks, disagreements or criticism, along with lack of empathy, make it difficult for such individuals to work cooperatively with others or to maintain long-term professional achievements. With narcissistic personality disorder, the individual's self-perceived fantastic grandiosity, often coupled with a hypomanic mood, is typically not commensurate with his or her real accomplishments.


SOURCE: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder


QUESTION:


Can a narcissistic personality develop/resurface when a husband/wife's requests for appreciation, affection, attention, and communication from their spouses are being constantly rejected?


The answer appears to be in the positive based from the first highlighted statement.

He has loved me all along...

Despite all the immaturity, nagging, bickering, coldness, pamumuta, humiliation in public and insults that I've heard during our time together, Bi has loved me all along daw pala. Bakit hindi mo sinabi na mahal na mahal mo ako mula nung narinig ko pa yan sa altar? Bakit kinailangang magkaganito pa? Mahal na mahal na mahal kita bi pero durog na ako, all alone, hurt, defenseless, soon to be forgotten. I just wanted to hear you utter those words all along because I felt unloved by the man I had given up my hopes and dreams for. Mahal na mahal ko kayo ni Evo..

Bangon Bohol

I never knew life could be this fun after I survived the first sem in law school. Sem break made me a bummer for a week or two thinking about nothing but how to enjoy those limited stress-free days. While I ponder on how hubby and I will have a smashing Bohol trip, that's when 7.2 magnitude earthquake hit the Northern part of Bohol. It happened exactly on my sister's 27th birthday which was also on the feast of St. Therese. The sad news broke my heart. News on TV flashed reports about the situation of the Boholanos from Maribojoc, Loon, and Tubigon. There were those trapped inside the rubble of their houses. Drama floods the news. All the old stone churches built during the early years of Spanish occupation in the Philippines were not spared. Some crashed and turned into rubble like the Loon Church, while other churches were partially damaged but with no assurance of being restored. A part of the hill of the Chocolate Hills also eroded badly. It terrified me and Tope. And yet we pushed through with our trip barely a month after the earthquake.

Bohol remained a great tourist destination after suffering from the unfortunate force majeure. Arriving in Tagbilaran City made me feel like Tope and I never really left home. The streets remain noisy and busy doing their business. I looked for any building that crashed and found none in their poblacion. Our driver, Jonathan, is a friendly driver-tour guide. He shared stories about their experience during the earthquake, and was thankful that Tagbiliran, as well as the other areas in Bohol weren't badly hit. The news only made it appear worse. After buying some stuff at their newly opened Island Mall, bi & I headed to our resort situated in Panglao Island beside the famous Panglao Island Nature Resort and Spa (PINRS). With nothing much to do for the rest of the afternoon, Bi and I decided to drop by in PINRS to play ping pong, billiards, swim, and eat dinner. Their beach boasts of crystal clear aquamarine waters crashing softly in their powdery white sand. I tried to get a handful of the sand but it was so fine that it easily trickled in between my fingers. The price to enter PINRS was pretty expensive but the experience is worth the money spent. Tired yet full from our day's adventure and scrumptious seafood dinner, we decided to retire early. We had to walk by the beach again to reach our quaint resort. It was pitch black, quiet, and a little creepy. After we passed by the unlit light house, that's when we realized we got lost. We were then forced to return to the boats until the resort's cook came to fetch us. Btw, Panglao beach faces the mysterious island of Siquijor. I definitely wouldn't want to be in a creepy situation like that again.

The day that followed was amazing. It was our country side tour. I definitely had fun.

Hey I survived my first sem

I had been on hiatus in blogging for a couple of months. Had to. I was pretty busy juggling mommy duties, studies, and my latest addiction, sports. A lot of things happened. I survived the first sem in law school with good grades which made me enroll again. I still hope though that I could get the 50% refund after attaining a damn good QPI. I hit the beach of Puerto Galera with law school block mates who finally met Evo and hubby last October; enjoyed an early birthday bash to Bohol with hubby; and finally got stoked after a chilling surf session with some friends. That surf session was my very first time to surf by the way after years of wanting. The bruises on my knees were worth the amazing experience. Big thanks to my friends. I owe you big guys!

Law school life

I've been going to school for more than 5 weeks now, and so far I'm doing well in class. I recite very well kidding aside. I don't know maybe because I just feel privileged to finally step into law school and pay for the tuition fees myself -- almost. Well my major subjects for the first semester includes Persons and Family Relations and Constitutional Law I. My professors in those two courses were superb; a Family Court prosecutor and a well-known legal counsel of Magdalo. I feel honored and in awe whenever I attend their classes. Then I have three minor courses too namely Legal Research, Statutory Construction, and Legal Writing. The two professors were okay but on the course, our professor was horrible. She makes it a point to annoy us and burden us with her nonsensical and unreasonable assignments all the time. Oh well, maybe she's not happy with her life that's why she takes it always to her poor students.

10-12 cases per week became normal now for me. I've noticed how fast I've been reading now since the first week that I started. And according to my Consti professor, we will speed up more in the coming days. I really do hope so. Law school is tough but I'm thankful that I can manage now. However, what I find difficult is memorizing really fast and the frequent travels I make every weekend just to attend to class. It is really difficult for me. With these problems I am having right now I worry and doubt myself if I can continue what I started. Finances are a big issue too. I lost my job barely a month ago and my savings are slowly depleting now because of law school. I hope I can find a way to surpass these problems. Help me dear Lord.

Gotta try my luck here in Law School

It was May 20, 2013 when I stepped in once again to the old facade of the AUSL. Exactly a year ago when I first set foot there to take up LSAT. Law School had taken a back seat in my priorities way back in 2009 when Tope, my then beau now hubby, did not support my ambition. But right now, with him, I finally enrolled myself. Welcome to the new prosh. Welcome to the scary but fulfilling world of law School. Five subjects worth close to P36,000 excluding books & other expenses like travel, print-outs and case digests, I've invested my meager savings to this career which I have always dreamed of. One semester. I gotta know if this dream of mine is truly for me. I must know. I will stay as long as AUSL will not let me go. I will study as long as my pocket can fund for my schooling. I know in God's will, I can do this.

Then came orientation & first day of classes. I was shocked. June 8-9 was my first two days as an official law student and I really feel scared, nervous and excited at the same time. Scared because the pile of codals other students were studying really looked creepy, nervous because I am not sure if I can really be a diligent student again like during my high school & college days; & if my brain will function as needed, and excited because after four years of not taking chances, I am finally here taking the first step towards my life-long dream - becoming a lawyer.

Why am I here? Because I want to be lawyer. They look smart, dignified, neat & they earn big money. I gotta be a lawyer because this is what I had always wanted had finances not became an issue for my family before. After having a family of my own, Tope as my husband and Evo my first son, I had realized I need to prove myself more; that I am not what Tope says that isn't capable of making it there, and that I want my son to be proud of me that despite my humble beginnings/earnings, I still became a lawyer than he can be proud of. I want to make my parents and family proud of me too since my mama & papa were the first people who influenced me to dream of becoming a lawyer.

But can I really do this? last Monday evening we were given assignments for our second meeting in one of my major subjects, Constitutional Law I; a whooping 11 original cases to read in full with an average of 20-paged pleadings. I was again shocked. Can I really do this? I have to try...