Kahit nangyari na nang nakaraan, nasasaktan pa rin ako...
Kahit anong gawain ko, nasasaktan ako...
Ganito lang talaga siguro ako pinalaki ng magulang ko, laging nasasaktan pero hindi pa rin kayang lumimot or makipagsabayan basta minsang masaktan..
Wala namang taong immune sa pain. Pero exaggerated ako. Anything that reminds me of those darn girls, nasasaktan na agad ako. What hurts me more is that pareho pa silang may ginawang masama sakin. I don't want to live like this. Ayaw ko na naaapektuhan relationship namin but what can I do about it. I just can't move on.... I want to get even. But I don't have the heart to do so whenever chances appear. Mabait lang siguro ako masyado.
I don't know what I need. Hermit ako so I can't deal handling more pain or yung nadadagdagan mga iniisip ko. I have plenty of frustrations of which I know I can never move on with. And experiencing more pain is just too much to bear.
I grew up obeying rules. I grew up always trying hard to be prim and proper. I cow down easily at criticisms. Maarte ako but I was NEVER a flirt. Ang tagal ko NBSB. Sana I maintained that na lang. I'm no wife material because I ain't looking for a husband. All I need is a friend. Someone who can endure the whole me.... Because being me is nothing but pain and being with me is torture... And then I found him. It's been more than 3 years since that day. I think he's endured a lot already because he's with me. I've been blessed being with him. But he's been cursed. I love him dearly but I could not accept our barriers...
If things go wrong I guess I'm quite prepared. I will leave Phils for good...
NOTE TO SELF:
Kayanin mong gumanti sa mga taong sayo'y nang-api.(April 19, 2012)
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