Bi & I are married for
almost a year now. We have a four month old baby boy yet we do not live
in the same house. Well not anymore. I’ve been staying with my mom
since I gave birth to Evo via cs to recuperate. In so doing, Tope was
left all by himself (living with my in-laws) in their house. We only
get to be with him during weekends when he doesn’t report for his
demanding work. His strenuous work in DSWD usually makes him come home
late. I think he’s happy with this setup. It’s working well for him
since he’s living like a bachelor again without Evo & I at home. He
can drink til dawn, avoid paying us a visit, and even hang out with
his friends in “BL”, I don’t mind. But what I do mind is this, him
being a pimp and paying a f****n’ prostitute to dance for him and his
friends, I must add — naked. You waste your hard earned money for that
huh?
Well that’s what get after years of putting up and fighting for him. I just don’t think I deserve that. He may not be bangin’ those whores, but, my goodness did it ever occur to him how much that drives me crazy?! Any sane woman would feel hurt, and unloved with that. I am not boastful but heck, Tope, I am young, sexy, beautiful, talented, and pretty smart but did I ever hear you say those words to me? Nah. What I keep hearing most of the time are rants about my noticeable tummy, baby weight gain, my discolored navel, and armpits. Probably those whores look better than I do. Why do I have to compete with them?
Five times. He did this for five times already & he will only tell me about it when everything is done. (He tells me about it afterwards as consolation for being his wife.) He told me about their dirty deed last Saturday night just yesterday while I was cooking pasta for him. They watched another strip show, this time with his co-workers. Did he hear me nag about it? No. I never raised my voice though he blatantly hurt me again. “I spent 700 bucks for it at lugi ako. Inaway pa ako nung babae.” The way he spoke, how casual. I simply smiled and nodded in an effort to make myself look like the good wife. (I’m the dumb wife actually.) Ever thought of this? That Saturday night you that should be snuggling with me, since its not often, you rather spent it with your new friends para mamumuta? Forgive me for the term pero yun talaga eh.
Then yesterday afternoon, after I put Evo to sleep in his mommy lola’s bedroom, I searched for him and found him playing NBA on PS2. I was in a happy mood and even cajoled that he should work out to lose weight. He wasn’t paying attention, much engrossed on gaming. So, I showed off an old photo of him when he was thin, and quite good looking. The photo was taken 5 years earlier. Finally, he was distracted. He wanted to have the photo but I refused because it was his sister’s, and then he groaned. “Give me that; very simple!” Like a tamed puppy, I obeyed. I placed his photo on the audio output of the tv to which he yelled again. “Alisin mo yan jan, ginugulo mo sounds!” I didn’t remove his photo, and insisted that it doesn’t affect the sounds, “Di naman e naarte ka lang eh.” I was just trying to be makulit, I really adore his picture but he just yelled at me. Awww. That sucks. Realization hit me. I threw his photo on the floor, walked out and slammed the door so hard I left him dumbfounded. I never yelled at him for being a pimp. I never yelled at him for watching girls dangling their boobies and asses to please him, pero, crap, he’s yelling at me for being malambing, for trying to find ways to have a conversation with him. I think I’ve had enough. You will never change for me nor for Evo.
I gave up Norway, Singapore, Law school, UNTV & ABS-CBN10 for you and this is what I get! Tope, day by day, you are doing nothing but make me feel like a worthless person. You never should have knocked me up. It would have been easier for me to move on…
(February 28, 2012)
Well that’s what get after years of putting up and fighting for him. I just don’t think I deserve that. He may not be bangin’ those whores, but, my goodness did it ever occur to him how much that drives me crazy?! Any sane woman would feel hurt, and unloved with that. I am not boastful but heck, Tope, I am young, sexy, beautiful, talented, and pretty smart but did I ever hear you say those words to me? Nah. What I keep hearing most of the time are rants about my noticeable tummy, baby weight gain, my discolored navel, and armpits. Probably those whores look better than I do. Why do I have to compete with them?
Five times. He did this for five times already & he will only tell me about it when everything is done. (He tells me about it afterwards as consolation for being his wife.) He told me about their dirty deed last Saturday night just yesterday while I was cooking pasta for him. They watched another strip show, this time with his co-workers. Did he hear me nag about it? No. I never raised my voice though he blatantly hurt me again. “I spent 700 bucks for it at lugi ako. Inaway pa ako nung babae.” The way he spoke, how casual. I simply smiled and nodded in an effort to make myself look like the good wife. (I’m the dumb wife actually.) Ever thought of this? That Saturday night you that should be snuggling with me, since its not often, you rather spent it with your new friends para mamumuta? Forgive me for the term pero yun talaga eh.
Then yesterday afternoon, after I put Evo to sleep in his mommy lola’s bedroom, I searched for him and found him playing NBA on PS2. I was in a happy mood and even cajoled that he should work out to lose weight. He wasn’t paying attention, much engrossed on gaming. So, I showed off an old photo of him when he was thin, and quite good looking. The photo was taken 5 years earlier. Finally, he was distracted. He wanted to have the photo but I refused because it was his sister’s, and then he groaned. “Give me that; very simple!” Like a tamed puppy, I obeyed. I placed his photo on the audio output of the tv to which he yelled again. “Alisin mo yan jan, ginugulo mo sounds!” I didn’t remove his photo, and insisted that it doesn’t affect the sounds, “Di naman e naarte ka lang eh.” I was just trying to be makulit, I really adore his picture but he just yelled at me. Awww. That sucks. Realization hit me. I threw his photo on the floor, walked out and slammed the door so hard I left him dumbfounded. I never yelled at him for being a pimp. I never yelled at him for watching girls dangling their boobies and asses to please him, pero, crap, he’s yelling at me for being malambing, for trying to find ways to have a conversation with him. I think I’ve had enough. You will never change for me nor for Evo.
I gave up Norway, Singapore, Law school, UNTV & ABS-CBN10 for you and this is what I get! Tope, day by day, you are doing nothing but make me feel like a worthless person. You never should have knocked me up. It would have been easier for me to move on…
(February 28, 2012)
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